


I Exist

by kittencauldrone



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Nagachika Hideyoshi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 06:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4817756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittencauldrone/pseuds/kittencauldrone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>trans Hide is my weakness, that is all</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Exist

Kaneki's always been able to read, but when it comes to other people he can be pretty dense. Even when it comes to me. He tries his best to hide his problems and such, but he's just too honest. While I've been hiding something from him all our lives. He doesn't really pick up on the little things I say.  
"We have to go home, my back and chest hurt." I'll say.  
"Take your pain relievers. We still have to meet Touka at that resturant." Kaneki will reply.  
Or I'll say something like," I need something from the store. please don't follow me inside."  
"fine, fine. I'll wait outside." He'll tell me.  
I sometimes daydream about if Kaneki and Touka had fallen in love instead of myself and him. Would I have been able to continue hiding? Would I have felt that same feeling when he started working with Touka; jealous and lonely. But I doubt it would happen, my feelings for Kaneki were seeded deep in my heart long ago and since we've been together thoses feelings have grown into a sturdy and beautiful tree that would hurt to cut down.  
He's dense to even my little quirks. If I pull my shirt away from my chest, he thinks I'll take it off. Something I've never done in front of him ever. So I can understand his excitement. Even in bed I keep my shirt on. I protest whenever he wants to do it with the lights on. Thankfully he always caves in to my prostests. Kaneki would never do anything to hurt me, even if he is a ghoul now. He says he loves me everyday. I believe him with all my heart.  
I need to tell him. But what if he reacts badly? thats bullshit. Thats bullshit Hideyoshi, and you know it. Okay, tonight I'll tell him. He needs to know. I've lied to him since we were kids, its time I tell him. I hope the way he looks at me never changes after I tell him. Kaneki always looks at me like I've done the most amazing shit ever and he's constantly impressed by me.  
While I've made up my mind, its still hard to actually say it out loud. I stand quietly in the kitchen over the sink and pile up of dishes that I'm washing, staring out the window. Kaneki is at work, and todays my day off. When Kaneki comes home I'll be ready. I'll straddle his lap and take off my shirt to reveal my secret.  
Its nearly time for him to come home anyway. I can't wait to see his smile, feel his kiss on my forehead, and hear his voice say "i'm home." I walk into our bedroom after finishing drying the last plate and put on my chest binder as Kaneki thinks I have a flat chest. I hope I don't have it on long enough to hurt myself again. Last time Kaneki wanted to fool around I couldn't take it off and ended up bruising some ribs. My eyes flick to the clock, just ten more minutes before he gets home.  
I walk to the door and stand there waiting. The seconds feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours. My hands are getting clamy, I feel my heart beating faster and faster. Did Kaneki eat today? Hopefully he did, he always says I smell delicious. I'm not sure how to take that sometimes. I turn to go sit down just as Kaneki walks through the door.   
"I'm home." He calls softly since he sees me standing there.  
I turn back to him and smile,"welcome back."  
Calmly, I take his hand and together we walk to the couch. Once we're sat, he kisses my forehead and in turn I hug him, something I don't do often because of my chest binder.  
"How was your day?" Kaneki asks as he takes off his eye patch.  
"Relaxing I suppose." I shrug. I take a deep breath and face him fully,"Kaneki there's something I need to tell you."   
He tilts his head with curiousity and I wiggle a bit in my seat. I grab the hem of my shirt and lift it up over my head revealing my secret to him. My breathing was ragged as I watched him gaze intently at the garmet covering my chest. Kaneki is so cute when he's focused like this. I take in a gasp when the clasps on my binder get loose and before I come to my senses I now sit topless on my boyfriend, letting in to my world even more. His hands roam freely on my torso, being the first time he's ever seen it.   
"Now you know." I breath softly.  
He stopped his exploring and looks up at me with a smile,"You're still you."  
With that statement I realized how dumb it was to hide this from him, I laughed,"Of course I am."  
Leaning down a bit our lips meet for a kiss before Kaneki nuzzles my chest. I catch that twinkle of curiousity as his hands go from my waist to my hips and down to my ass. I knew what he was thinking,"my ass is the same as always, its the front you thought was different."  
"how did you hide it from me?" He asked.  
"You tend to get really focused on my butt so you never noticed and I always grabbed you hands when you went to touch me." I explained. Kaneki nodded quietly as he looked like he was thinking.   
"Does it hurt when we do it that way?" He looked at me concernedly as he knew now I had female parts.  
I shook my head,"I like the way we do it. Don't worry."  
He regained his smile as we sat there happily. I wasn't sure how far he'd go when it came to exploring the areas I've never showed him, but I wouldn't mind. He's so gentle sometimes, but I know the kind of damage he could inflict if he wanted to. It's kind of exciting to think of. A thrill of danger, especially if he goes a day without eating. I lean towards him as he starts kissing my neck.  
He stops at my lips,"I don't want to do anything you don't want me too."  
"How about we just relax tonight? You worked hard today, and I don't want to be tired tomorrow at work." I chuckled.  
He perked up like a puppy when he hears a squeaky toy,"Can we take a bath together?" he asks excitedly.  
I nodded and got up,"lets go."  
I've never taken a bath with him, but I'm excited to do so now as well. Kaneki takes my hand and pulls me along to the bathroom eagerly. He bares himself immediately once we're in the bathroom and starts the water. I can tell he's waiting for me to take off the rest of my clothes. I'm hesitant but I know he knows, so it doesn't take long before I am also naked. Its the first time he's seen me naked in the full light.   
"...wow.." Kaneki whispers, looking at me even more amazed than before.  
"You're so easy to amaze." I chuckle, feeling the water befor putting in some bubble bath. I wait for him to get in before I get in and settle between kaneki's legs and rest my head on his chest."this feels nice."  
"yeah. way better than our normal seperate routines." he chuckled, relaxing with his arms draped on the edges of the tub. It felt nice to be like this and be open with him. I knew this brought us closer than ever before."I love you Hide."  
"I love you too, Kaneki."


End file.
